Sorry Self…

Just realized that it’s been a year since I’ve blogged…  so much has happened in that year, including a full-time job in social media…

So while I’m “on” all the time and I’m online all the time…I’m writing for others and not really writing for myself.

I’ve felt something missing but I just couldn’t put my finger on it…..

So, to my SELF and to anyone who happens to read my words, I’m sorry.

I apologize for not keeping true to myself and for letting so much time pass without writing.

Keep checking back you may be pleasantly surprised!

President Obama’s Speech to School Children

Did you see President Obama’s speech to school kids last week? 

Were you one of the voices in protest to this speech, calling for it to be kept out of the schools?  Did your school district ban, censor or limit the availability to see the speech in school?

I have a different point of view and it all boils down to …R..E..S..P…E…C…T

Where has the respect (we should have as a nation to the office of President of the United States) gone?

The speech itself was harmless, non political and focused on the importance of children to stay in school.  Doesn’t matter what your political party is, a concerned and conscious parent can not argue with the message of this speech.  And parents know that we can’t hear or reiterate the importance of that message enough to our children.

In my lifetime I’ve seen speeches from Regan, Carter, George H. W. Bush, Clinton, George W. Bush, and first lady Nancy Regan.  Never in my history was there ever outrage or protest to a sitting president who addressed school children!

President George W. Bush was addressing school children at the very moment planes were hitting the World Trade Center in NYC!

The outrage and protests to this speech simply amazed me and makes me think one thing…President Obama does not get the respect that the office of the President historically holds because he is black.  I know just writing that or saying it out loud is controversial in and of itself…but how else can you explain it?

We aren’t in the midst of election.  President Obama is our president whether you voted for him or not.

What this tells me, a person of mixed culture and races, is that this country is still relatively racist and people who have been hurt by our government, long before Barak Obama became president, are using any opportunity to lash and blame and discredit our current sitting president.

So many emails floated around discrediting our president with false facts about his US citizenship, the proposed contents of the speech and the ideology behind it.  All of it to cause dissention and outrage.

I live Texas.  The majority of Texas is considered a “red” state.  Bush country.  And the outrage here was very loud. 

Those of us who are educated about politics and research issues and policies were just shocked that this speech on education was such an issue.

I wish people would pick their battles carefully and be educated about their debates.  I wish even more that news outlets would be wise and diligent enough to choose carefully the people they feature or quote.  Ignorance can be an epidemic and false claims and outrage makes for good news.

I want people to stand up for what they believe in and understand why they believe what they believe and why they’re so angry and hate-filled over their “cause”.

I consider myself conservatively liberal.  I did not agree with the Iraq war.  I have not voted for a republican in more years than I can count.  And I’ve always respected the office of the President and considered this nation ONE nation under God no matter what my political views were.

I work with republicans and democrats on healthcare issues and cancer advocacy issues and I’ve seen first-hand how we can all work together to make things BETTER.

Those I saw on the news stations were not educated, used words like socialism, facists and communism but couldn’t back up their claims.  What they ended up sounded like were bigots and racists.

I read a comment by Ms. S. Urrutia last week that I loved.

“The bottom line is this: If people are sure of their values and ability to instill them in their kids, then why are they so afraid of their kids hearing something they don’t agree with? Better be ready to follow them around for the rest of their lives and censor everything they hear/read/think!!! If that’s not fascism, I don’t know what is!!!”

This speech was the perfect opportunity to speak to your children about your morals and your beliefs.  It was a great opportunity to explain your views without attacking someone’s character or to show your children that you respect your President, even if you didn’t vote for him.

Former First Lady Laura Bush commended President Obama on his speech to school children. 

She also said she thought he was doing a good job amidst the difficult situation he found himself in when he entered office.

She doesn’t like the partisanship that is playing into almost everything these days.

We should take our cues from her.

It’s all about RESPECT.

Losing your parents, finding yourself…

It’s a new book I’ve just begun reading- “Losing your parents, finding yourself” . I have no idea if it will be worth the read since I just started it, but I’ll def. let you know.

A friend of mine named Jill commented once that unless you’ve lost your parents you can’t fully understand what it is we go thru emotionally. Based on the original study by Secunda, it is only when our parents die that we truly come into our own as “real” adults.

It’s been 6 years to the day that I lost my dad. He wasn’t even close to being perfect, he had many flaws but he was mine and I was his…always his little girl. He made me feel safe and loved and important- if only to him. The last year of his life we grew even closer and I learned more about him during those 11 months and 21 days than I had in 29 years.

It’s been 2 1/2 years since I lost my mom. She was a mother to many children but when I was with her I felt like an only child. I was the youngest- I think, perhaps by the time she got down to parenting me she had learned many things, become a better parent and a better person. She respected me as an adult, she protected me and guided me and we had a very special relationship. We lived a mile apart. She was my best friend. I saw her everyday. She was involved in every part of my life.

So you can just imagine my shock and loss at a life without them ever in it again.

My heart actually hurts for people who don’t have that relationship with their parents or who argue, fight and disrespect them. They don’t know what they’ve missed out on or what they’re wasting away…

For me, it’s not about absolute grief anymore…time does heal and life gets good again and life keeps us busy…you go from grieving daily that first year or two to grieving just at anniversaries and special occasions. It comes and goes…

What I think all “this” is about is the astounding and unexpected changes that occur in people when their parents die. You discover your own strengths and become much more self-reliant, your relationship with others change as you are finding your way in this “new” world. You learn to be brave and take chances and what it really means to be at the Top of your generational ladder…

The death of your parents is a defining point in your life, much like childbirth, whereafter nothing is ever the same again. I will never be the same.

My father died 6 yrs. ago today. I feel loss and sadness when I think about it- all aspects of it.

Yet, today was also a good day.

I miss my mom a hundred times a day- In the past, something as simple as shopping I never did alone. It was something she and I always did together. I’ve been learning to do it alone. And after two years, most times it’s enjoyable again…and I do things I used to do with only her, with my spouse, my kids and new friends.

Most days are really good days.

I am hoping that out of my loss can come some unforseen gains– that on the other side of sorrow, I can discover new hope, wisdom and strength.

I am different. I am stronger.

But that doesn’t mean that there won’t be times that I grieve or feel weak.

Such as the first day of school, or during today’s baptism -that neither of my parents could be a part of…when I’m hurt or lonely, injured or sick…when there is wonderous news to share, when life or a situation sucks eggs and I need the unconditional love of a parent…those are the times that I will grieve and fully feel my loss.

Thank you for letting me grieve the past couple of days.

Independence Day 2009

What does July 4th mean to you? 

To some people it is simply a three day weekend that means bbq and fireworks, but for others, there is a deeper meaning that personifies those that fought to ensure our freedom.

My father was in the Navy.  He enlisted at age 17 and saw conflict in Korea and Vietnam.  He married my mother and while he was diverse and accepting of her Vietnamese heritage and culture, he was also always extremely patriotic.  He hung his flag at every holiday, lowered it to half-mast during a tragedy, like 9-11 and the space shuttle tragedy, and he taught us all how important it was to ‘be’ an American.

The last time his flag flew at half-mast was September 6, 2003- the day he died.

So this 4th of July, thank those that made this holiday (and our freedom) possible.

My family went to the National Cemetery today.  That’s where my parents are now and will be together this July 4th and everyday here after.

We brought flags and silently said a prayer of thanks.

Happy Independence day.

Time of year for annual checkups

Well it’s that time of year for all of my annual medical check ups.

Usually I don’t linger on the possibilities and I wouldn’t take the time to post about these, but things haven’t been going all that well lately.

As the director of a lung cancer support organization and the facilitator of cancer support groups, we’ve had some not so great news lately in terms of recurrences and progression of cancer.

Recently a caregiver-friend of mine who had been perfectly healthy, had her checkups and mammogram and in a matter of three tests is now dealing with stage 3 breast cancer.  Scary stuff right?

I’ve got my OBgyn tests to make sure the cervical cancer hasn’t come back.

I’ve got my mammogram to make sure that the ’suspicious” area of concern from three years ago hasn’t grown and really is “just scar tissue”.

I’ve got my regular medical checkup that tests my blood and sluggish thyroid.

All these tests start next week. 

Wish me luck.  Hopefully, I won’t need it!

No Mission Trip This year…

The missionaries at the church I attend left for Vietnam today.

It was a moving day as we wished those travelling well and sent them to orphanages and to build clean water systems in these impoverished areas.

I had planned on going to Vietnam this summer.  It was a great opportunity for me.  You see, I was born in Vietnam. 

They called me “an American born abroad” on my birth certificate from the American Embassy.  My mom was Vietnamese and my dad was an American sailor.  They fell in love, got married, had me.  Theirs was a great love story.  We all moved back to America when I was just 11 months old.

So Vietnam isn’t my homeland, but it was my mothers.  I had learned the language and traditions at the same time I had learned to speak english in America.  I am Amerasian. 

In 2005, shortly after my dad passed away from cancer, my mom took me to Vietnam.  She showed me where I was born in Bienhoa, just outside of Saigon (now Ho Ci Minh City), the military base where my dad worked, the American Embassy and the little cement house where she and my dad lived and began their life together.  I didn’t feel like I had gone “home”, but I felt like I had travelled back in time and gotten a glimpse at the life my parents had together then.  I was able to see the birthplace of a family.

My mom passed away two years later and I will always treasure that once in a lifetime trip.

Then this January I learned of the mission trips to Vietnam that the church was organizing.

I had to go.  I can speak the language!  I had been there before!  It was a chance for me to make a difference.  When my mom died, I thought I’d never go back to Vietnam.  Until this opportunity presented itself.

The trip would be almost two weeks long.  That’s a long time to be away from my small children, but I had a plan.  I arranged day care and spoke to friends about helping my husband get thru those two weeks without me.  My husband was in total support too.  I could really do this!

Then I learned of another opportunity to make a difference in the global campaign against cancer.  It was a global summit held in Dublin Ireland for cancer advocates.

I struggled with the decision of which trip to take.  In the end I chose the cancer advocacy trip because cancer advocacy is what I do.  It’s my passion.  It’s how I dedicate everyday of my life and it was a great opportunity.  Also, it was a shorter trip away from my family so I simply shifted the day care arrangements and travel time.  I was assured that I would be taking this trip.

I felt terrible backing out of the mission trip to Vietnam but I was confident in my decision.  I had been personally invited to apply for the trip to Ireland from someone very reputable in the organization sponsoring the trip.  There was never any doubt in my mind that I would be going to Ireland so I cancelled the mission trip to Vietnam.

Last week I received notice that I was NOT going to Ireland after all.  Even after the personal invitation and after having been strung along for weeks, the end result was a cold email letting me know I wouldn’t be coming.

I didn’t even warrant a courtesy phone call.

So I had cancelled my mission trip to Vietnam for nothing.

I won’t deny that I was simply devastated.  I wasn’t upset that I wasn’t travelling this summer.  I was upset at how I was treated and I felt as though I had been mislead.  I was hurt that after almost 5 years of supporting this organization as an advocate and volunteer that they had treated me so poorly.  I was angry at the sacrifices I had made for nothing.

I gave myself one day to mourn the loss of those opportunities and I decided that I wouldn’t be supporting that cancer organization any longer.  I forgive but I can’t forget.  Wrong is wrong.

Today the mission group from church left for Vietnam.  I prayed for them and I’m happy at the life changing things they will be doing over there.

Next time, I’ll follow my heart and I’ll be going too.

Travel safely missionaries.

Parents get stupid the hotter it gets

In Dallas Texas it’s been at or close to 100 degrees Fahrenheit for a couple of weeks.  It’s this time of year that more and more stories appear on the news of children who have died because they were left in a scorching car.

I hesitate to say that these children died- they were murdered.  They were murdered by a parent or caregiver who was careless and negligent.

It makes me angry and sad to think that these innocent children lost their lives so needlessly.

Let me just end this tirade by stating to all the stupid parents out there…before you leave your children in the car, end up on the 5 o’clock news for causing the death of your child and possibly end up in prison for negligence…bring your children to me.

It’s obvious that you don’t want them.  There are a lot of good people who can care for your children, give them a good and safe home, care for them enough not to leave them in a hot car while they shop or visit friends or do something even seedier.

DON’T leave your kids in the car.

Bring them to me.  I’ve got plenty of room and common sense.

“King of Pop”, Michael Jackson, dies at 50

Michael Jackson, pop star, died Thursday June 25, 2009 of cardiac arrest at the age of 50.

The news broke and spread like wildfire Thursday that the “King of Pop” had died.  One news outlet after the other reported the news to shocked fans and curious listeners.

Where were you when you heard the news that Michael Jackson died?  One news broadcaster said that like Elvis Presley, John Lennon and President Kennedy, people would always remember where they were when they heard the news that Michael Jackson, mega-star, had died.

I was in the swimming pool with the kids enjoying the Texas summer sun.  The radio had been playing and suddenly the DJ broke thru the scheduled playlist with the news report that TMZ was reporting that Michael Jackson had died and for hours and now days later, the radio played homage to Jackson by playing his music, the TV played his old music videos and clips of his devastated fans. 

Today they are dedicating their news segments to disect his life and his estate, his children and the autopsy results.  It’s not a story that will be ending soon.

I haven’t been a Michael Jackson fan since the 80s.  He was a musical genius there was no doubt.  No one had ever danced like he could.  He was a mega star to me until the late 80s when things changed.  He became “wacko jacko” and a “pervert” and an alleged child molester and while he had never been convicted in a court of law, he had been convicted in my eyes.   He had become a reclusive eccentric personality that I never thought much about anymore.

The shock of his sudden death did have an impact on me.  I feel sad for his children and his family.  I felt a personal loss too…not of a mega star, but of that time in my youth that he was so much a part of.  Listening to his music and seeing those old music videos made me think of a time when life was awesome and simple and I was so young and carefree.  His death sort of puts a closed door on that period in time for me.  That was sad.

After watching some of the news coverage it was hard not to feel nostalgic and sad that Michael Jackson was gone.  But like I said, I hadn’t really thought about him in a positive way since the late 80s. 

I think the older I get the more I understand the term, “rest in peace.”

Nothing else is supposed to matter except that the spirit of that person rests in peace. 

Unless you’re a celebrity or the slightest bit newsworthy.

The media legendized him the minute he died.  They built up his character and spotlighted every minute of his celebrity as it changed the music world.  He was labelled a pioneer and an incredible person.  He was said to be a tortured soul who didn’t have a chance in life to be normal…they made us sad and sorry for him.  They made us mourn him more and more with each passing hour.

The next day those same media reports were dissecting his physical disabilities, his mental state and prescription drug use.  They compared him to Elvis Presley and tried to place blame on his handlers and those closest to him for his drug use and death.

It makes you wonder if it is still news if it’s hipocracy with every new story angle.

The only broadcaster who didn’t commit hypocrisy was Nancy Grace.

Like everyone else she capitalized on the breaking story, but she prefaced the hour by recapping his latest years.  She spoke about the child molestation allegations, the jury members who said they wished they had convicted him and the bizarre life he lead.  And she said, matter-of-factly, that those child molestation allegations where now between him and God.

Good for her. 

I’m glad I watched that hour of coverage.  She put things back into perspective for me.  Snapped me out of the media-induced grief.

I’m sorry the King of Pop has died, but I can’t  say I’m surprised his life ended the way that it did.

Death of an Angel

Farrah Fawcett died Thursday June 25th 2009 after a valiant battle with anal cancer.

When the story broke I had been working in my office listening to CNN.  I can’t say I was shocked by the news that she had passed away, but I was extremely sad that another cancer warrior had lost their battle.

As a cancer patient advocate, I experience the loss of many members, friends and colleagues.  It breaks my heart each and every time and it reaffirms my resolve that my job is an important one.

I may not be able to cure cancer, but I offer information, education, support and friendship.  I have strong shoulders in which people may lean.  I am the listener to those who may not have anyone to talk to.  I offer support oftentimes when no one else does.  I wish we would have had that when my dad was first diagnosed with cancer.  We didn’t have anyone.  I promised myself and him and my mom that I would always work to offer support to those who needed it.

With Ms. Fawcett’s documentary of her cancer journey and battle and with her death Thursday, I had hopes that cancer would be on the forefront of the media, at least for a short while.  Spotlighting cancer survivors and the cancer fight and the lack of resources and treatment options would be a step forward in the momentum needed to make changes in cancer care and survivorship.

Shortly after absorbing the news that Ms. Fawcett had passed away the media dam broke with the news that pop star Michael Jackson had died of cardiac arrest.  It was pandemonium and shock and every news outlet and radio station was scrambing for news and to be the first to break it.

News that Farrah Fawcett had died quickly took a backseat.

I will never forget when a newscaster asked Larry King how he would arrange his show for that night, because he had already planned an hour long special about Farrah Fawcett’s life and death.

He replied that he was doing a two hour special about Michael Jackson instead.  His response, “Well, with Farrah it was expected.  They were holding a vigil in her hospital room just waiting for her to die.  It was a matter of time.  No one was surprised by her death.  With Michael, it’s a complete shock.  The country is in shock and mourning.”

I didn’t tune into Larry King’s two hour special.

I tuned into the coverage of the life, cancer battle and death of an “Angel”

Contemplating Dos and Don’ts of getting older

So my birthday was just a couple of weeks ago and I’m at the point in my life where I’m evaluating this age, my success, my career path and if I’ve been productive enough in my life so far.

The two things I’m most proud of in my life are my two kids.  They are the greatest.  The most important job I have in my life is to be a good sheppard and parent to them.  And I have a saint for a husband that finds my interests and philanthropy and fleeting projects amusing…That said, this evaluation is about me.  Just me.

Am I past the age of ripped jeans and trendy tops?  Do I move on from a bikini to a tankini or one-piece swim suit?  Do I stop listening to alternative music or dance to hip hop, tune down my ipod and trade it all in for jazzy classicals and comfortable shoes?

Is it time to stop the volunteer work and get a “real” job again and focus on building a retirement plan?

Should I be going to bed at 9 instead of staying up until 3am surfing the net and catching up on my DVR recordings and work from the previous day?

My body is definitely slowing down…but my mind races along.  There isn’t enough time in the day to do everything I need to do let alone squeeze in the things I WANT to do…so I don’t sleep. 

I want it all.  But that’s just isn’t possible.

One theory that’s been presented to me is one that highlights my work and personal losses.  I’ve lost both parents rather suddenly.  I work in cancer support and advocacy and facilitate a cancer support group.  There are people I care about dying every week.  It’s very very hard emotionally.

So maybe I am living my life in fast-forward because I realize how short our time on earth really is?

It’s a double-edged sword.  It’s great to appreciate everything and not take a moment for granted…but it’s exhausting trying to fill each moment with meaning, productivity, love and success….

What’s it mean to get older?  How to balance what I have to do with what I want to do?  And throwing in a bit of fun in the mix too….

Is it possible?